5 Minute Review: The English Patient

 Always one to be up with the times, I saw the English Patient over the weekend for the first time. I enjoyed it for a number of reasons, and I had a few comments I couldn't help making afterwards. Sadly I've forgotten most of it, but what remains is as follows...

EP is a very pretty movie. Sand dunes and khaki clothing and old planes are all cool. There were a few very awesome characters who I had a lot of sympahty for, and some pretty nerve wrenching scenes. The surround sound in the sandstorm stands alongside the attack on Zion in the third Matrix movie as the most impressive sounding scene I have yet enjoyed in the comfort of my lounge.

I particularly enjoyed the character Kip, who had cool hair and a very Oz-like demeanour. Without the non-sequitors. I also liked his loyal, exploding Sergeant. Seeing Kip attempt to defuse a bomb while an American tank rumbles up the road, threatening to detonate said bomb, was quite hair raising.

As for the romantic leads, I warmed to them by the end of the film, but there were one or two things that caused me to raise my eyebrows incredulously:

*Leading lady slapping Ralph Fiennes about the head, then shagging him, then making him sew her dress. She totally made him her bitch, which was funny but unexpected.
*Cuckolding Santa. I mean, was this scene meant to make you think anything other than "My God, these characters are repulsive uber-villains!". Colin Firth dressed as Santa in the next room being nice to children while his wife is getting jiggy with her bitch?

Colin Firth's awesome plan to paint a target on the windscreen of his plane, paste Ralph's picture on it, and run him over with a plane was pretty cool. I like the way he convinced his wife to come with him.

"Yeah hon, we're going to the desert to pick up your bit... um... that Hungarian guy. Yeah, you should totally come with me."

"Isn't the plane a 2 seater? And why do you have his picture glued to that target? And why are you sharpening the propellor blades?"

"Standard procedure dear. I need to know what he looks like so I can... pick him up. And don't worry about the 2-seater thing, it'll all work out somehow..."

So, I liked it, but I didn't think it was very romantic in the middle section. The death scene, with the love-letter that ends in the dark (with messy handwriting?) was quite nice, and the intrigue elements were cool. There was a lot in there that was beautiful and moving - I just don't like my quasi-religious figures to be cuckolded, and was somewhat surprised by the Ralph-beating and general contempt that the romantic leads had for each other at the start. But then there were palaces of the winds, and death-love-letters, and all manner of nice things. Still, the best bit for me was probably Sayeed from Lost.

He was cool.